Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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