This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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