Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
