Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
