I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
