he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize