I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
