there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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