Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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