I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
