WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
