I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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