And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
