i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
