The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
