One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
