apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
