I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
