We're facebook friends in real life
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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