Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
