two words: eviction party
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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