I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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