yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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