You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
