apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
