he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
