Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
