She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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