True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Farmville is her only friend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
