Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
