I cockslap morals
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
