Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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