there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
