So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
