it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
