dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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