fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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