She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
