I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
