My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize