Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
