I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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