my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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