Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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