whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
