We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
