we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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