You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
