Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
