My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
