They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
