We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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