like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Randomize
