oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
