At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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