I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
