So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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