Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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