Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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