We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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