While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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