i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
