Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
