In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
