Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We left the knife in your bed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
